The Best Harry Potter Fanfic Ever
by meguin
Summary: A parody of monstrous proportions; a mockery of all that is deemed holy. Don't be jealous that you didn't think of it first.


**WARNING!** This story is a PARODY, both of people who fail to grasp the intricacies of grammar, and those who believe that a Mary Sue is an acceptable character. There is reference to SEXUAL THEMES, and if you are not cool with that, please read no further. This story has its rating for a reason. I was completely sober when I wrote this; I promise.  
Oh yes, and I have always been a Ron/Hermione shipper... and I WAS RIGHT! Take that, hobags!

You have been warned.

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The Best Harry Potter Fanfic EVER!

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So one day Harry, Hermione and Ron were just chillin like villains in the Gryffindor common room when Prof. McGonagall walked in and was like, "Whassup all?" And everyone was like, "screw off you're not cool >:o" And McGonagall was like "Plz wait I have some wicked awesome news for y'all and it's in the form of a new student who is suspiciously like the author of this story except perfect. Her name is Cherry Blue."  
So everyone was like, "Sweetness."  
Cherry walked in an everyone unsurprisingly gasped. She wore goth clothes instead of robes cause Dumbledore gave her special permission cause she's that cool. She had long black hair with stripes of blue and had violet eyes with long violet lashes. She was like, "d00d, stop thinking so loud cause I can read your minds and shiznit" and every was like "gasp" and she was like "oh yeah I can fly too. And I speak every language known to man, including Swahili. And other stuff. But I have a tragic past and I'm an orphan cause my parents died in a fight with Deatheater squirrels, so it's all good, you should pity me." So everyone fell in love with her and stuff except for Snape cause he was too busy spanking Draco. Harry was like always humping her leg and stuff cause he's weird like that, and they started going out and everyone was jealous but loved them nonetheless cause Harry had a nice ass that Snape wished he could spank. And Ginny too.   
So one day everyone is just chillen in the Great Hall when Voldemort just like walked in and grabbed some food from the Slytherin table. Everyone was like "gasp" except for Draco who got a pat on the ass from Voldemort. Through bites of chicken, Voldemort started adava kedavraing everyone in sight ('cept the Slytherins cause they're all evil... they just kept eating).  
Dumbledore was like "Oh shit I left my pimping gear in my office what do I do!111ONE" and Voldemort was like "I killify you!" and Dumbledore was dead.  
Everyone was kinda pissed about this but no one was as pissed at Cherry Blue, since she obviously knew Dumbledore better than everyone else. She began using her magical singing which was way better than you can sing and entranced Voldemort into a hypnotic like state.  
Cherry was like, "HA!" but then Voldemort was like "just kidding!" and avada kedavra'd Harry. But Cherry was like "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" and jumped in front of it and she died. Then Harry was like wtf and stabinated Voldy in the eye with his wand and and Voldy died and everyone was like whee. But Harry was sad about Cherry and I guess Dumbledore and maybe all those other kids who died but mostly Cherry. He was crying over her limp body and Hermione was like "snap out of it" and Harry was like "No way I love her forever" and then the power of his love brought her back to life and everyone was like "sweet" except for Dumbledore and the dead kids cause they were dead. And Voldemort. Cause he was dead too.

But everyone lived happily ever after: Harry married Cherry and they had like 8 million kids who became superheroes. Hermione and Ron married each other and didn't have any kids cause they were like, "d00d there's too many peeps in the world." Ginny joined a hippie commune and became their leader, but it ended up being a cult and they all killed themselves. Draco and Snape got married, but they didn't live happily every after, cause they were into the pain and suffering in sex thing. And Hedwig and Crookshanks got it on in an inter-species sort of way and created new cat/gneazle with wings things that Hagrid was like "OMG" to and he kept as pets.

THE END


End file.
